The Art of Conversation

The art of conversation, like any art, is a skill of elegance, nuance, and creative execution.

I believe there is an art to everything we do, and why not?

Without flair and panache, most things become drudgery. Why settle for drudgery when you can have art?

When it comes to the art of conversation, we've all met people who have the knack for it. They can talk to anybody about anything and seem to do it with complete ease. And while it's true that some are born with the gift of gab, luckily for the rest of us, conversation skills can be developed and mastered.

In my article 4 Tips for Achieving Good Communication Skills, I discuss the importance of being a good communicator and give tips on conveying ideas and information successfully. Many of the same tips apply to developing good conversational skills. Please read the article for added tips.

Conversation is a form of communication; however, it is usually more spontaneous and less formal. We enter conversations to enjoy pleasant engagement, meet new people, learn information, and enjoy social interactions.

The types of conversations vary, ranging from intellectual conversations and information exchanges to friendly debate and witty banter.

Regardless of the type of conversation, anyone can develop the ability to listen attentively, ask fitting questions, and pay attention to the answers - all qualities essential to the art of conversation.

We can improve our conversation skills with diligent practice and several good pointers.

Tips on How to Improve Your Conversation Skills

➔ Show interest and be curious. People who are genuinely interested in others are usually interesting themselves. Why? Because they are more open to learning about and understanding new things. Showing interest also encourages the other person to be relaxed and share information more freely. Display attentiveness by keeping good eye contact and listening actively.

If you are shy and need time to warm up before you share your views, you can ask open-ended questions or encourage the other person to elaborate on their insights. Doing so kick-starts the conversation; before you know it, you are engaged in a good conversational flow.

➔ Ensure there is a balance of give and take. A conversation can get boring quickly if one person does all the talking while the other tries to get a word in edgewise. When that happens, whoever is not talking begins to tune out, and there is no conversation!

There can be many reasons for a lack of give and take. Sometimes, nervousness can get in the way, and you ramble on without realizing it. Or, nervousness can make you freeze, and you don't know what to say next.

If you freeze up, take a deep breath and do your best to focus, smile, and then reflect on what you want to say. If the other person is the rambler and you've tried several times to interject but haven't been able to, then excuse yourself politely and move on.

If later on you realize that you were the rambler (heaven forbid), then at least you will have made the most critical step towards improvement, which is - awareness.

Determine whether your tendency to dominate a conversation is due to nervousness or self-involvement.

Either way, review the conversation in your head. Look for spots where you could have paused and allowed the other person to talk.

A good rule of thumb for future conversations is to pause after you make a point to seek agreement or an alternative point of view. Observe body language for cues on whether to stop or continue.

For example, is the person glossy-eyed and therefore bored? Are they moving towards you to speak, and you keep on talking? Are they looking elsewhere (for an escape) while you are carrying on? In a good conversation, each person needs to express themselves, or it is no longer a conversation but a monologue.

➔ Be interesting and have something to say. While you don't have to be a comedian, entertainer, or brilliant raconteur, you need to be interesting; otherwise, what would you say? If you are not well informed, tend not to read much, or have few interests, you will have very little to talk about except yourself.

Unfortunately, no one wants to hear about your latest troubles, conquests, or daily routine. Yet so many dull conversationalists believe that's what people want to hear from them. Who hasn't been stuck with someone at a social event who blathers on about their family history, latest job interview, or the like?

To avoid being that person, become knowledgeable about world events, people in the news, or what's happening locally. Keep up with the latest music, technological discoveries, or recent best sellers.

No one can know everything, so you'll be a hit if you can enlighten someone during a conversation! You can learn something new as well.

Of course, not all conversations are knowledge-sharing gatherings or discussions of global import. Many, especially at social functions, consist of light-hearted and cheerful banter.

In such cases, be aware of the tone and mood of the conversation and go with the flow. You can always listen, smile, and enjoy the humor if you are not particularly good at one-liners or much of a jokester. Never act like you feel out of place or ill at ease.

➔ Be relaxed, be yourself. If you are on edge or trying to be someone you're not, it will show and doom a conversation to failure before it starts. Admittedly, if you are not relaxed, it's hard to appear as if you are. Slow down and take a deep breath.

If you don't do your best to relax, you will say something silly, unintelligible, or unrelated to the conversation (been there). Also, smile warmly; it will make you appear pleasant and more approachable. Worth noting: if you are trying too hard to be something you're not, you will come across as a fake or a wannabe.

To start a conversation, go up to someone and introduce yourself. It is both polite and necessary to start things off smoothly.

When the occasion calls for it, you can offer a handshake, smile, and make eye contact. Being friendly puts the other person at ease and opens the door for them to introduce themselves.

If, for whatever reason, your attempt is not well-received and you notice the other person is cool or standoffish, bow out gracefully and move on. Do not take it as a rejection; merely consider that the person has their reasons for not reciprocating. Perhaps they are not feeling well, have had a bad day, or are not in the mood for conversation.

➔ To improve, practice, and then practice some more. The art of conversation, like any skill, takes practice. Do not expect to be adept after your first few attempts. It will take practice and exposure to many different social situations.

An excellent way to get practice before you venture out to an event is with family members and people you are comfortable with. They can give you helpful and supportive feedback, which, in turn, gives you something to work on. You can never have too much practice!

Quick Tips for The Art of Conversation

• Do not dominate a conversation or make it all about you. A monologue is not a conversation.

• Show interest and curiosity in others.

• Strive for a balance of give and take.

• Be an active listener by maintaining good eye contact and asking pertinent questions.

• Train yourself to relax using visualization, meditation, or other relaxation methods. Being relaxed is vital for good conversation.

• Refrain from interrupting and cutting in with your ideas before the other person finishes speaking.

• Maintain an open mind; everyone has a right to express themselves even if you disagree with what they are saying.

• Although this is cliché, try to avoid topics such as sex, religion, and politics. You would be surprised at how many people get trapped by them and end up in verbal battle, not conversation.

• Stay on top of the latest news, developments, and world events.

• Be approachable by staying relaxed, smiling, and maintaining a friendly attitude.

Possessing the art of conversation improves personal, social, and work relationships. It allows you to meet interesting new people and introduces you to various new topics and subject matter.

With practice and application, anyone can improve their conversation skills.